By week 14, though there was no conclusive evidence to indicate either gender, Russ and I both knew while looking at the ultrasound that she would indeed be declared a she... and by week 20, it was confirmed.
On the way up to the ultrasound, the morning we had the 3D imagery done, we discussed our expected reactions to finally having our suspicions of gender confirmed. We'd picked out two different names for a boy, either James Whittaker (calling him Jack) or Samuel Owen (or maybe Samuel Elliot). Russ's dad's name is James (though he goes by Ed) and it's a name we both like, however Jack just fits us so we figured we could get away with naming the kid James and just calling him Jack... But Sam would be ok too.
However, when it came to a choice for a girl, it was a little more difficult because we both kinda knew that we'd actually be called on to determine the girl's name because she was going to be a she.
It was June 2nd and by this time we'd moved into the new house, almost completed the sewer/plumbing work (still had a trench 12' x 15' in our front yard), managed to settle Russ into his new position, and lost our Anne, oh yeah and be 5 months pregnant. Not a single one of those (or a good dozen other incidents that have occurred since Nov of 2006) items were expected, and some rather unwelcome.
Talking about the pregnancy, especially talking about a gender which seemed to make things very real, had almost taken on a sense of taboo. However, Savannah was with us that morning and as you might imagine, children have a way of blowing taboo right out of the water and she succeeded mightily. She wanted to know what name we'd chosen for a girl since we hadn't mentioned it yet. And that was a perfectly good question that she saw no reason to not gain an answer to.
Russ was driving, but as we went under the bridge on Dry Creek (I needed sugar before the ultrasound so we stopped for a cup of coffee on the way) she posed this simple, little inquiry, & he and I looked at each other. I'd mentioned a name to him, very timidly I might add (and only in email), about 10 weeks prior to that morning and neither of us had discussed it much since.
Like I said, it was easy to discuss male names because neither of us believed for a moment it was a boy (in fact, I had a dream that a boy was running around my house too, but he didn't belong to us, he belonged to my cousin) and talking about something that was not real to either of us was easy. Talking about a female name, however, was different - I can only explain by saying the difference was due to the concept behind speaking something into reality and the human emotion and behavior that surrounds such a concept.
To back step, we've been married for 10+ years and never conceived. This little bit of person growing inside me at that point was and still is a concept lost in a surreal existence of our own private wonder.
At any rate, I answered Savannah by first asking Russ if he was indeed agreed on the name we'd so delicately spoken to each other weeks before and his answer was something like, "Yeah, I like it but what could we use for a middle name?"
Not 2 months before that day we'd lost our Anne to a sudden onset of cancer. We had a week with her (in pain and on pain meds) before she went in for exploratory surgery that resulted in her not waking up. She had been on my mind that morning because of a dream and knowing that a major milestone in our family was about to occur for us and no Anne would be at home awaiting the news. On April 1 (her birthday) I sent an email to Russ... mentioning the idea of passing on her name.
I thought about it for a moment and decided to respond to Russ with what was a bold but important response for me, "Anne. How about we give her Anne's name?" To which he immediately responded with a sad smile and affirmation that we should indeed pass on Anne's name in honor of our first "daughter".
At that point I think we both cried a little inside, but soon were interrupted by an 8 year old in the back seat insisting on knowing the rest of the name. So, with a bit of shy confidence I spoke aloud the name I'd only written to Russ, and the name that had just been completed. "Cecily Anne."
Something happened the moment the words were given voice. It's kinda like the first time a woman speaks her new, married name aloud (or hears it for that matter). Names are funny that way. Have you ever said your own name and experienced it as foreign to your own ears? I have... it's a very odd feeling. And for some reason, the moment my voice gave sound to the name that had been floating in my head and across email and chat with Russ for weeks, especially with the middle name now included, everything changed. It was like the wind had traveled into our car that morning and the moment the words left my lips they soared away on the wind and became a part of something that surrounded us and was in us, and something stepped from the world of our inner thoughts into reality. Savannah happily replied that she liked it and it was a good name.
And so we walked into the office to have our ultrasound to confirm what we already knew at that point, that we were going to become Russ, Angie, London, Rue, and Cecily Anne.
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Where Did Her Nickname, Lily, Come From?
A few weeks later I was talking to a friend about nicknames and when she asked what our name choice was she immediately replied that we should nickname her "Lily", unless of course we didn't like that name. I sent off an IM to Russ indicating the suggestion and he instantly replied with a smile and confirmed that Lily was indeed a great nickname and furthermore, a name on its own that he'd always liked.
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Why Cecily?
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Why Anne?
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